Archive for June, 2006


thinkingHe doesn't want me to go.  Of course he doesn't.  He's always been the one to leave me behind.  Alone.  And we both know what happened the last time we were apart this long.  Sure, I forgave.  But I never forgot.  I've heard that men do the opposite.  They'll forget, but never forgive. 

But this is different, and we both know it.  He doesn't want me to go because he knows there is a chance I may not return.  And if I do return?  Well, things will be different.  We both know that too.  They have to be.  Nothing is ever going to be the same after this.  

So why go?  I must.  I need to know.  I can't know whether I want to come back if I never leave.   I have to want it.  I have to want him.  Not just as a friend, a partner, a husband.  I have to want him as a man, a lover.  And I have to want it more than I want to be alone.

Posted by vanessa on June 29th, 2006 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | No Comments »

Set Me Free

Set me free
Remotivate me

Set me burning
After years in deep freeze
My body is yearning
For a new lease on life
Add a little spice

Set me free
Remotivate me

Give me a reason
To scream and shout
Give me something
To get excited about
When everything is looking dull
I'm sure it isn't impossible to

Set me free
Remotivate me

Don't think I'm impatient
Because I'm willing to wait
But something must happen
Before it gets too late
It could be my imagination
But wasn't there more than this numb sensation

Set me free

Remotivate me

Set me free

Songwriter: Martin L. Gore
Publishing info: ©1984 Grabbing Hands Music Ltd/EMI Music Publishing Ltd. 

Posted by vanessa on June 27th, 2006 .
Filed under: Random stuff | No Comments »

Circumcision And Sex

Even though I have a bit of a foreskin fetish, I have tried to stay well out of the circumcision debate.  Frankly, it's not really my business and there's usually not much to talk about.  You either are or you aren't.  I don't personally know any adult men who are aching to have their foreskin removed - though it does happen. 

Anyway, here's the Sex Question of the Week: Does being circumcised impact my sex life?

Circumcision is definitely a hot button topic, and whether you're talking about the issue of circumcising newborn boys or the impact of circumcision on adult sexuality, everyone seems to have an opinion, and has no problem letting you know what it is.  Read the full article.

Obviously every man is going to have their own opinion about circumcision, but I think it's interesting that the studies don't seem to support any one conclusion (except, perhaps, that circumcision does reduce some sensitivity).  I guess all I could offer is that foreskin is something you're born with.  Hygiene concerns aren't really supported when you consider that generation after generation of men have gotten along just fine with their foreskin and their dicks have not fallen off from cooties.  I just question why, at least in the U.S., we seem to do it as a matter of course without allowing our sons the ability to choose for themselves.  *Warning: Soapbox Alert*  As I have no penis, I'm not sure my opinions matter all that much anyway…any more than a man's opinions about my uterus should matter to me.

Posted by vanessa on June 27th, 2006 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff | 5 Comments »

London Calling

Nude in the poolI got my ticket for London today.  Pressing that "purchase" button made my heart race.  What am I thinking?  Spending 5 weeks on my own in a foreign country?  I've never been one to do anything halfway.  I don't have time to stick my toe in and test the waters.  No, not this chick.  She's jumping in the deep end and let's all pray she can swim…

So, I could use suggestions for some fun things to do.  I'm not interested in tourist-y crap.  I need substance, art, music, something to stimulate my…em…mind (yeah, that's it).  Give me some ideas, guys!  What is simply-not-to-be-missed?

Oh, and can anyone explain to me just how a person can afford a hotel in London?  I'm not a cheapskate, but jesus h. christ, those hotels are expensive!

Posted by vanessa on June 26th, 2006 .
Filed under: Random stuff | No Comments »


Every once in a while you stumble upon something serendipitously, a sign so poignant and appropriate for that moment in time and space that it takes your breath away.  That happened to me today. 

My husband, at my request, was helping me obtain an airline ticket - a ticket away from him, a ticket to a sabbatical from our life together.  Trying to keep my eyes dry, I grabbed a book from the shelf.  I've never read Madame Bovary - just picked it up a few years ago and it's been collecting dust.  The crimson ribbon caused the book to fall open to page 80, and I was greeted with this: 

 Her inmost heart, however, was waiting for something to happen.  Like shipwrecked sailors, she turned a despairing gaze over the solitude of her life, seeking some white sail in the far mists of the horizon.  She did not know what this chance would be, what wind would bring it her, towards what shore it would drive her, if it would be a sloop or a three-decker, laden with anguish or crammed to the scuppers with bliss.  But each morning, as she woke, she hoped it would come that day; she listened to every sound, sprang up with a start, wondered that it did not come; then at sunset, always more saddened, she longed for the morrow.  - Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

 I don't know if this is the right thing to do; all I know is that it will be something.  I hope it brings me clarity.  Many thanks to those of you, you know who you are, who have been beacons in my night.  Wish me well….

Posted by vanessa on June 24th, 2006 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | No Comments »



Come to me, you said.  You will be safe with me.  I will take care of you.
Should I accept?  Should I be afraid?   Can I trust you?

I really want you, you said.  I don't want you to get away.
Why do you want me?  How can you know me?

I have never felt like this, you said.  My entire being craves you.
I am naked before you.  Vulnerable.  Needy.

My body aches for you, you said.  Come to me…

…will I?


Posted by vanessa on June 23rd, 2006 .
Filed under: Stuff I Wrote | No Comments »

Music Wanted

This is for my musically inclined fans out there…my podcast music sucks.  It's basically just a plain vanilla jazz loop, played over and over and over…BO-RING.  My attempts to create something with Acid Studio are failing miserably.  I'm an artist…a writer…NOT a musician.

I would love a short piece that I could use for the intro and outro…something blues-y and smoky, slide-guitar based, in the vein of "Tin Pan Alley" (SRV). 

Anyone up to the challenge?  You would have my eternal gratitude (and maybe we can exchange favors…).



Posted by vanessa on June 19th, 2006 .
Filed under: Random stuff | 2 Comments »

About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.