Why Does She Do It?


I finally had the time to catch up on some blogs that I like to read, and this particular post by O about female sex bloggers is worth noting because it really made me stop and think about why I do what I do. Why I pour out my soul and sexual secrets to the world. Why I have random phone sex…and record it. Why I remain anonymous (except to a very short list of - I hope - trusted friends).

The anonymous part is easy. You already know me. I am the woman in line at the market, at the office party, in the minivan at the car wash. I am your sister, your daughter, your co-worker, your lover, your friend. If you knew it was me writing this, would you see me differently? Would my husband be judged if his boss or clients knew? Would my mother be publicly humiliated? Would my children (if I had them) be dis-invited from play dates and parties? I can take a risk individually, but I cannot extend the risk to the people I love. So, I hide behind the anonymity of cyberspace.

The why is more difficult to answer. I am an artist, a writer, an actress, a sexual being. I am a woman. I am a lady…and a whore.

As an artist, a public website is a natural extension of my creative self. This is my current “project.” It feeds my soul. Today. I may get bored with it next week.

As a writer, allowing myself to write about something so intimate has broken through decades of writer’s block. There are fantasies and ideas bursting to come out. There are sex-related news stories and humor and reviews…so many words, so little time.

As a woman, I’ve found comfort in reading the sex blogs and diaries of other women and realizing that they are just like me. That their sexual feelings, opinions, habits, needs, are similar to mine. I’m normal, not perverse. I want other women, those who might stumble upon my place here, to understand that sexual feelings are normal. Even hypersexual ones. I always knew I was hypersexual - ever since I was 11, sneaking copies of my dad’s Penthouse magazines and reading the Forum stories under my bed with a flashlight in the wee hours. I masturbated to my first orgasm at 14, and never looked back. I think women believe they are not supposed to have the same insatiable sexual appetite as a man. If I were a man, my sexual conquests would be held in high regard as evidence of my virility and machismo. My voracity may instead cause me to be viewed as a slut, a whore, “damaged goods.” Fortunately, the entire world does not paint sexuality with such a gender-biased brush, so there is hope for The Sexually Self-Satisfied American Woman. If I can help, in some small way, to break down those outdated notions, then what I do is worth it.

As a married woman, I’m expected to desire my husband, and him alone. Unfortunately, I fail in both regards. Cybersex is one way to explore and experiment and fulfill fantasies without actually being unfaithful. The recordings happened as a result of numerous requests, since I was already broadcasting my escapades live on an adult dating site. I am blessed to have a warm and loyal “following,” but a woman can only have so much phone sex in a day! So, the podcasts came about as a way to give my beloved cyberpartners access to the Voice Of Vanessa whenever they want it. Strange? Some might think so. I don’t, neither do my listeners, and that’s all that matters.

Maybe this explains a few things, maybe it leaves more questions than answers. I don’t know. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have “Dave” holding on line one…

6 Responses to “Why Does She Do It?”

  1. Spirit Says:

    Vanessa,It is true that being anonymous can free one to be braver, bolder and more true to one self.  I ask myself all the time why I continue to read and write and participate in the Blogdom as we know it. We all have different reasons and yet they are all very similar. I love the simplicity of your site but also knwo there is so much more below the surface that is hidden behind your words …or in some cases the lack thereof.I agree 100% that cyber space allows one to explore without causing harm to ones spouse or loved one. I can sit in my den, put my headphones on and listen to your sexy voice …and never have any fears of being accused of playing elsewhere.Sorry for the ramble …but I’m sipping a very good glass of red wine ….and wine always spurs my desire for conversation …lol

  2. vanessa Says:

    Thank you, Spirit.  Your comments reminded me of another, very important reason I do this…the support I get from the rest of the blogosphere.  It’s people like you that keep me motivated.  xxx     - Vanessa

  3. Spirit Says:

    *blushing…..* ….gee thanks …I really am a dork …

  4. Tragic Says:

    What an incredible post. I understand exactly what you’re saying. I have my net name but in my way I’ve also chosen not to be anonymous for all of the reasons that you do. I admit its daunting and disturbing at times but I also want complete freedom without the constraints others try to place on me. Not to say I want to run down the street screaming and raving about sex but I want the freedom to be able to speak of it in its own place on its own time if I choose. So, a great many DO know who I am online but at the same time - they usually accept and even encourage my writing and exploration. Spirit here (who I’ve stalked to find you) is one of my greatest champions.He is probably themost supportive online friend I have ever had :) Keep writing lady, keep talkin. You’re damn good at it.

  5. vanessa Says:

    Wow, thanks Tragic. 

    I admire you and others who are able to be open about your identity.  Maybe someday…  

    - Vanessa

  6. Tragic Says:

    *hugs* you rock grrl.

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About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

vanessa@talktovanessa.com

...and then YOU said...

  • tom paine: Nifty old erotica!! Thanks for sharing them.
  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....