Toy Review: The Eroscillator

Friends, lovers, playmates; in honor of May being Masturbation Month, I give you The Eroscillator.

**trumpet fanfare**

ooohhhhLet me start off by saying that it’s taken me six months to write this review. That’s not because I haven’t wanted to. It’s because I’ve been doing…um…extensive research. In the name of journalistic integrity, of course. In fact, the Eroscillator has been the most rigorously tested of any toy I’ve reviewed.

Dr. Ruth has never endorsed another sensual aid, but she is the Eroscillator celebrity endorse-person. That got my attention. I had to try it. So, the Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo was my Xmas prezzie.

Admittedly, when I saw this puppy my first thought was, dayyumm, that’s one expensive vibrator! Are the reviews true? Could it really be worth it?

Oh yes. Every freakin’ penny. Read on.

First of all, the Eroscillator is NOT a vibrator. A vibrator vibrates. A vibrator feels nice for a while, but eventually makes my clit numb. When my clit is numb, well, I’m done for the night. I might not want to be done but, Goodnight, Irene. I. Am. Finished.

Smart Oscillating Engine. The Eroscillator uses sophisticated Swiss engineering to oscillate back and forth inside the housing for powerful but gentle stimulation. It doesn’t vibrate. It doesn’t make my clit numb. That’s a big deal. Huge. Limitless-Orgasms-Huge. And, the head moves inside the housing, so the housing stays put. I’m stimulating my punani, not my hand.

Multiple Power Settings. One critical distinction is that the speeds don’t increase the frequency of the movement…they increase the intensity. That means every speed is enjoyable. I can’t say that about something like the Hitachi Magic Wand. (Actually, the HMW is just a half-step down from a belt sander. Not clit-friendly.) The Eroscillator’s three speeds are powered by a 14v motor (step-down converted so it’s safer for you) and 12-feet of cord. Yes, you read that right. 12 feet. It will reach to the chandeliers. Hell, I can plug this baby in and take it halfway to Marks & Spencer. What I’m trying to say is that the cord doesn’t get in the way when we’re gettin’ our freak on.

Whisper Quiet. Yeah, it really is. We were pleasantly surprised. No distracting lawnmower buzzing during the intimate moments. My apologies if you have a lawnmower fetish.

Watertight. Can be washed under running water so you’re ready to go for next time. I wouldn’t take it in the bath, though. (That’s why God created the WaterPik Shower MassageWaterpik Shower Massage.)

So, on to my experience. Right out of the box, I had one of the fastest, most intense orgasms of my life. It took about 90 seconds, tops. My lips (on my face) were literally quivering. This was a whole different level of orgasm. Like a higher plane of consciousness. Incredible. Then I just kept on going…er…coming. Actually, I didn’t know whether I was coming OR going. One after another after another. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to stop until I was spent. When it was over, I was but a whimper on a tangled heap of soaked sheets.

The next day, I threw my other vibrators out.

The Eroscillator comes in your choice of two versions and five packages. The Eroscillator 2 Plus packages come with some basic head attachments and a standard power appliance. The Top Deluxe model has extra power, for women like me who need a little boost, and more attachments. All attachments are available separately too. I was lucky enough to get the Ultimate Combo. Yep, I got the whole enchilada for my pink taco. Holy guacamole!!

My favorite attachment? The Ultra Soft Finger Tip (pictured below). It’s a medical grade silicone elastomer…just the right amount of squishiness to give a really lovely clit licking.

This is one toy that gets my unequivocal yes. Yes. GOD, YES!

[rating:5]+

If you own a clitoris, you simply must treat yourself. I can’t stress this enough. If your partner has one, surprise her and make her decade. You won’t regret it.

Oh, you can support this site by ordering it through my affiliate link below and Amazon will gimme some candy!

I’m hearing rumors about their companion product for men, the Ooh-la-la! Prostate Massager with the PowerPenis Bell. The Husband is interested in reviewing one, but I don’t know that the company is quite that generous.

I’m off to do some more…research. If you play your cards right, you’ll get a taste before Masturbation Month is over…stay tuned for a surprise or two.

And here’s to it always being May in your pants.

6 Responses to “Toy Review: The Eroscillator”

  1. Curvaceous Dee Says:

    I’d never heard of The Eroscillator before, but I think I may have to save my pennies, buy an adaptor (different power supply here in New Zealand), and invest in a decent present for my 30th birthday … can’t think of a better reason!

    xx Dee

  2. vanessa Says:

    Dee, they do offer multiple options for power converters and if you order directly from Eroscillator.com you apparently get whatever plug goes with your country…though I admit I have no idea what a New Zealand plug looks like or whether they offer them. They definitely have US, UK and Europe anyway.

    I can’t think of a better 30th birthday present! (Well, mine was my first “expensive” handbag and my first and only tattoo.)

    xxx

    Vanessa

  3. Mr Gently Says:

    Did you have it shipped from the US or did you buy one in the UK?

    My Partner hates Vibrations, this may suit her.

  4. vanessa Says:

    Mr. Gently,

    If I remember correctly, DH ordered it directly from Eroscillator.com. It was shipped directly from Switzerland to us here in the UK, but it’s also available from lovehoney.co.uk. When we move back to the US I will be sure to order a US power adapter to take with me. Don’t want any delay!!

    I am sure your wife will love it. If not, Eroscillator.com offers a 30-day return policy. No, really!

    xxx

    Vanessa

  5. Bad Bad Girl Says:

    Oh my. this looks absolutely delicious.

  6. Tara Tainton Says:

    The thing looks frightening, but I’ll take your word that it’s worth the bucks! :) And I’d agree with Dr. Ruth anyday!

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About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

vanessa@talktovanessa.com

...and then YOU said...

  • tom paine: Nifty old erotica!! Thanks for sharing them.
  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....