Intimacy

A_Noyer_1708_a Real intimacy.

I had never experienced actual intimacy before now. The kind that makes you feel as though your souls are embracing.

OK, it sounds soppy and starry-eyed. But for someone with a history of boundary and trust issues, letting go to experience true intimacy is damn near earth-shattering.

True intimacy.

I had no idea what that was. Sure, I’ve had “intimate” relations with my share of men…but it’s always been sex. I’ve not made this admission publicly before, but I would always detach — having almost an out-of-body experience — during sex. Like what I imagine a prostitute or porn actress does. Even with a (former) husband of almost 2 decades.

Yeah, it was probably some kind of protective mechanism. If I’m not mentally/emotionally present, then I’m not letting anyone get close, right? It’s just sex. It might even be good sex. Hell, some of it was downright nasty, wild monkey-sex. But it’s still just sex. And it always left me feeling hollow. Unfulfilled.

Obviously it didn’t happen all at once. And I don’t think it could have happened with anyone else, ever. We just made this spiritual connection early in our relationship and took it to depths we never imagined possible. It required a commitment to absolute honesty, soul-baring confessions of past sins, tears, forgiveness, comfort, passion and a big heaping helping of love.

Our sex life has changed dramatically. It was always great. Now it’s transcendent. Truly amazing. Almost tantric. I’m always present. And it’s better than I could have ever imagined.

One Response to “Intimacy”

  1. Curvaceous Dee Says:

    *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it. Here’s to more intimacy :)

    xx Dee

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About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

vanessa@talktovanessa.com

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.