Fantasy = Rape? I don’t think so.

I realize by the time I write this it will have probably already been discussed to great length in the blogosphere, but I want to give my opinion.  For those of you that haven’t heard, a judge in Manchester, England dismissed charges of rape after the woman who claimed to be raped was found to have a group sex fantasy.  You can read the full story here.  According to BBC News,
 The 24-year-old from Liverpool claimed she was raped after visiting one of the men at his home in Bolton, after making contact on the internet.  But the trial at Preston Crown Court collapsed when computer evidence was produced showing her entertaining the prospect of group sex.  Judge Robert Brown ordered the jury to return not guilty verdicts.
So because this woman fantasized about group sex she is automatically not a victim of rape?  How is this logical to anyone, including an experienced judge who should be well aware that sex with multiple partners is not the same thing as rape.  This is another classic example of society associating “inapppropriate” behavior with rape.  Because the woman is not only choosing to have sex outside of a marriage, which alone makes her “unpure,” but also is choosing to have sex with multiple partners, she must not be capable of being raped.  Obviously any sexual encounter she has was invited because of her “promiscuous” ways.
Does that look as ridiculous to you as it does to me?  I hope so.  I don’t have much more to say on this subject, but I did want to call it to everyone’s attention.  If you want to read more about the perspective I provided above and the numerous ways it is hurting young women, read The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti.

Sex While Sick = Interesting Results

So Im on Day 5 of a really annoying cold. Its not one of those colds that gives me that sexy husky voice. Its the kind that makes me sound like Im wearing a snorkel. Finally, though, I’m just well enough to feel REALLY horny.

Anyway, hubby has been only marginally successful at fending off the same crud, so we’ve been leaving each other alone to rest and heal while secretly wanting to exchange germs from every orifice.

We finally admitted this to each other tonight and almost punted the cat up the stairs in our frantic scramble to the bedroom.

Problem: while I do feel quite a bit better, I still cant breathe from my nose. Heaving ones bosom and panting can be quite sexy, but my panting tonight seemed more like a death rattle. Fortunately, the husband did most of the heavy lifting for this particular play date. Even so, I think I might have dipped one pedicured toe into the murky waters of breath play.

Speaking of waters, Ive been known to be an occasional squirter. Well, its more like a gush, actually. The thing is, its never happened while Ive been WITH someone, only when Ive been alone, or doing my phone sessions, so its become the stuff of urban legend. I don’t really know if its a temporary phenomenon because of The Cold, but lets just say were currently looking into a set of rubber sheets. And were sleeping on the guest bed. And I now, finally, have a witness.

Sugasm #95

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #96? Use the contact form.

This Week’s Picks
“She could see that he had something concealed in his other hand, but couldn’t quite tell whether it would be an instrument of torture or pleasure.”

Lunch Hour
“He’s very good, but I notice the almost imperceptible start as he notices what’s going on.”

About size
“But if we’re going to start talking about penis size, then it is only fair to talk about vagina size.”

Sex News & Reviews
Best vibrator

BDSM & Fetish
Sex and Money

Sex Humor
Mystery Sex Toys

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Ace and Idiot
Brothers friend..what a night to remember.
Finger Fucking Friday
Holding Pattern
No reservations, part 3
Welcome back….

Sex Work
Do I Kiss & Tell? (Or, Why Sex Pros Make Better Bloggers)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
The Brick Wall Statement
More On “Hiding in Plain Sight”
The Scientific Desires


I Cant Wait To See THAT Boilerplate

What if a Dominant could be held criminally liable for being well a Dom? What if he/she is a sadistic, egomaniacal asshole? Does it make a difference? When consensual sexual behavior involves physical and psychological abuse, torture, and even agreed-upon non-consensual sex (rape fantasies, anyone?), the legal boundaries can get pretty murky. Tristan Taormino comments on an unusual federal case for the Village Voice:

Whip Appealed

A BDSM court case puts master/slave relationships on trial

by Tristan Taormino March 19th, 2007 11:18 AM

Much of Jodis testimony was about being subjected to pain, punishment, and humiliation. Most people don’t want to be controlled, used, hurt, tortured, or degraded, so its hard for them to comprehend that some people want to experience sensations and emotions that are generally considered negative or painful

Because these are federal charges, Marcus faces life in prison, a fact that has sent a chill down the spines of some BDSM community members. Read the rest.

Will a Sub need to draw up legal documents outlining the terms of his/her sexual consent? Should a Dom require a signed release prior to using any restraints or torture devices? This is a very slippery slope. I obviously dont know the details of the relationship between Marcus and Jodi, but it does make me wonder where we go from here.

The Amora Experience

London has a new adult playground. Amora, located in Piccadilly Circus, promotes itself as the Academy of Love and Relationships.

Receive your personal Whispers (an audio guide), your Amora friend, who will accompany you on an extraordinary journey through seven zones exploring your sexuality and relationships – from love and desire to sexual well-being.

Relax and enjoy a fascinating experience that will help you to enjoy a fabulous sex life, ultimately helping you to become a better lover and form fulfilling, happy relationships.

The experience includes zones such as the Sensorium, where you can explore aphrodisiacs, erotic food games, sexy stripping and sensual massage. You might enjoy exploring the Fetish Roomand there is even an Orgasm Tunnel, an immersive experience into exactly what happens to our minds and bodies in the moments before, during and after an orgasm.

Sounds like the Experience Music Project with fewer clothes. Definitely going on my to-do list ASAP.

Toy Review: Natural Contours Liberte Vibrator

I was sent the Natural Contours Liberte Vibrator from to review. I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, after all, it was free.

If I were using this as a dildo, I would give it a great review. In fact, I might just try it as a it makes an excellent G-spot stimulator. Its very smooth and comfortable to hold in the hand. As a clitoral stimulator, however, it is sorely lacking.

First, it doesn’t have nearly enough power to get me off, since it only runs on 2 AA batteries (included). You guys know Im a plug-in girl, but some battery-operated vibes have been known to pleasure me – I always give them the benefit of the doubt until they let me down. Lady Liberte didn’t really let me down – she let my clit down.

The controls are fiddly, too. Basically, it has just a single toggle button. The button runs through the speeds in the wrong direction. The first speed is the highest speed. If you want to change speeds, you must go through all the speeds, High>Med>Low>High Pulse>Off (!?) – to select which you want. I would prefer the speed to increase with the push of a button, not decrease, and I would REALLY prefer to be able to adjust it up or down without turning it off, for chrissakes. Talk about a mood killer!

I haven’t tried any other products in this line. I would go with a product in the same line provided it had more power and a better designed control.

My Live Earth Disappointment

Ah, imagine my disappointment when none of my registered cell phone numbers received a lucky text message last week. Vanessa was NOT selected to be one of those eligible to purchase tickets to the Live Earth concert at Wembley stadium this July.

I REALLY wanted to go.

I may or may not have had phone sex with one or more of the performers from this special event, but, sadly, this gets me nothing.

Oh well.

The upshot of this is that Im available that dayanyone have a ticket for Vanessa? Cmon, gimme some candy!

Do you really want to hear me beg?

(OK, maybe that was a dumb question)

Happy First HNT!!

Ive been reluctant to participate in Half-Nekkid Thursday but decided to play with my webcam for the hell of it. So, here, hiding behind a LOT of hair, is your closest look at Vanessa yet.

Rum Raisin Update

I have tried the Rum Raisin.

Not the metaphorical Rum Raisin, but the actual ice cream.  It wasnt bad.  Tasted pretty much like I expected – the fake rum-extract flavor you find in rum balls and chocolates.  Would have been better without raisins.  Maybe walnuts would be good.

Eh, I could take it or leave it.

I sure hope thats not how I feel after my first taste of pussy.

The Politics Of Swinging

Things got very interesting over the last month. I blame it on the retrograde Mercury, but Mr. Vanessa doesnt believe in my astrology.

See, Mr. Vanessa was encouraging me to fulfill my fantasies sooner, rather than later. More than encouraging. Actively arranging. Pushing, even.

I was titillated, yes. Excited, definitely. That led down a very slippery slope that eventually resulted in us accepting an invitation to this weekends private monthly couples party in our little neck of the woods.

Long story short, lingerie was purchased. Condoms were ordered. Shoes (sexy, high-heeled shoes) were found. Toys were considered. Ground rules were discussed. Boundaries were stretched.

Then things came to a screeching halt. In the space of about 15 minutes things went from open marriage to do it and we divorce.

We opened Pandoras box and I peeked inside and liked what I saw. Very! Much! But my fingers were still on the edge of the box when the lid was unexpectedly slammed shut. Hard. And locked.

Yes, Im still reeling. Confused. Disappointed. Hurt.

I dont blame him. I dont blame me. I blame the Mercury retrograde.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled marital programming after a few words from our sponsors.

And sincere public apologies to A., a dear friend who didnt deserve to be led down that road, enticed, seduced, excited, liaison arranged-and-scuttled all in the same 15 minutes because of our folly. Im sorry. Thank you for being a good sport about it all.