Archive for the 'Stuff On My Mind' Category


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Yeah, I know I haven’t posted much lately. It’s not that anything is wrong; quite the opposite. Things are actually going quite well. And it’s always easier to write when things aren’t going well. Angst and ennui make for great creative stimuli. Satisfaction and contentment are creatively boring.

A half-lifetime of sexual discontent has evolved into something much different. I’m feeling sexually fulfilled. I have a wonderful partner, who ministers to my every need. Even if that need is a cup of drinking chocolate at 1am. With the little marshmallows, even.

I don’t feel sexually obligated. It’s no longer something I feel I have to do because, well, that’s what a dutiful wife has to do. I enjoy sex with my new partner. Well, newer.

And my ex-husband has finally confessed to having started dating. He even has a girlfriend. He’s moving on. I am so relieved and pleased. The guilt of leaving someone who didn’t want to be left is some of the worst guilt one can experience. But I can close that chapter now. Finally.

I apologize for not writing more frequently. But, frankly, I can’t think of anything to write about when I’m happy. And I’m happy.

Posted by vanessa on October 4th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 2 Comments »

Always Mind The Bollocks

I don’t know much about testicles. Sure, I remember sex-ed, anatomy, physiology, etc. But when Mr. Vanessa says “my bollocks hurt” I have no idea what that really means. Women aren’t born with a nut-pain reference scale. If it’s not pushing out a baby, how bad can it really be?

So, we have some lumps too, but they are painful to the touch. Now, in boobs, they say that painful lumps are not the “bad” lumps. I know about tits. I have a couple of those. But, like I said, I don’t know balls about testicles. I know of men who were blindsided by the “bad” lumps because they didn’t hurt. Can the “bad” lumps hurt?

For now, we’re resting. And we’re scheduled for an ultrasound. And we’re masturbating, trying to relieve some pressure/discomfort. (note: this didn’t relieve anything except horniness) And, if all that fails, we have painkillers. Basically, we’re trying to comfort the nuggets however possible.

I think it might be easier to comfort the giblets than the wife.

Posted by vanessa on September 7th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 1 Comment »

Vegans Say Sex With Carnivores Stinks?

I wonder how much of New Zealand’s public money went into this study.

Vegans say sex with meat-eaters stinks

NEW YORK, Aug. 2 (UPI) — Strict vegetarians known as vegans find sex with meat-eaters repulsive, or as one New York vegan described it, “pungent” and “stinky.”
New Zealand researcher Annie Potts, of the University of Canterbury’s Center for Human-Animal Studies, interviewed 157 vegans, 120 of whom were female, on their sexual preferences.
In an interview with ABC News in New York, Potts said all of the female vegans “didn’t want to engage in intimate sex … because of the smells and tastes of their body fluids.” Full Story

6932594Well, dear readers, Mr. Vanessa enjoys a vegan diet, while Vanessa chooses to be an omnivore. Mr. Vanessa says he hates when vegans make comments like this…because it “ruins it for the rest of us” and makes all vegans look like elitist assholes.

And Mr. Vanessa has, to date, registered no complaints about the taste of Vanessa’s love honey.

This whole argument, however, makes one wonder whether vegans should be consuming any human bodily fluid in the first place…though you won’t hear me complaining.

Posted by vanessa on August 4th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 1 Comment »

Rubbing ‘Em The Right Way

I think I can infuse sexual innuendo into just about anything.

But there’s one thing I take seriously enough to keep sex out of it for all the right reasons.

I gave my first massage in a very long time and it felt good to give someone relief that wasn’t sexual. I’ve missed my practice and my clients. It was a relief to be able to remember my training - some of the best, most intensive (and expensive) training in the country. It all came flooding back. I do know what the hell I’m talking about, and I AM good at what I do.

Strangely enough, massage therapy doesn’t appear to be regulated in any way in the UK. So, any idjit with a “plinth” (that’s massage table for the rest of us) can hang a shingle and start in on people. And possibly hurt them very badly. That scares me, because I KNOW what harm they can do without proper training.

I have a table. And some of the best training available. Just not sure if I’m ready yet.

Posted by vanessa on July 31st, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 1 Comment »

Gender Equity? Sounds Like A Lot Of Bull

As I write this, thousands of Spaniards are smack in the middle of the encierro, the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona.

Apparently some women there are clamoring for their own encierro, but with cows, instead of bulls.

Women demand female Pamplona bull run, with cows

MADRID (Reuters) - Women in the northern Spanish city of Pamplona, world-famous for its ferocious bull-running festival, are demanding their own version complete with cows instead of bulls. Read more…

Now, I won’t even get into what a completely pathetic, stupid and cruel idea the original event is. That’s a whole other discussion. What strikes me here is the idea of wanting equal time that isn’t really equal. Cows are not bulls. Any rancher will tell you that. Cows are lovely, gentle creatures lacking two critical pairs of features: balls and horns. Sure, you run the risk of getting trampled by a herd of cows, but you could get trampled by a herd of anything scared and moving quickly down a narrow alley. Turkeys, even. But cows and turkeys won’t gore your sorry ass. (Or your “upper thigh.”)

But the request made me think of a larger issue: When it comes to gender equity, I believe we should demand it, and settle for nothing less. But cows are not gender equity.


I don’t believe in setting the bar lower simply because we’re the fairer sex. Equal means equal. I don’t need special considerations. Don’t make allowances for me. If I choose to compete, it will be on a level playing field.

This year was the first year that the female singles winner at Wimbledon was awarded a cash prize equal to the male singles winner. The first year. It’s freaking 2007, and this was the first year the pay was equal?

Very soon we will have the strongest opportunity we’ve ever had to decide whether we want a woman to lead our country. I’ve maintained for years that we will see all colors and creeds of men in the white house before the people will choose a woman. And that’s in a country with a female majority. I’m just pessimistic that way. I hope I’m proven wrong - though I’m not saying I wish it were with Hilary - I’m not yet convinced that she’s necessarily the best choice. I just don’t believe I’ll see a woman president in my lifetime and I don’t know how to change that except insist that we stop asking for special consideration. We don’t need it. We’re not inferior, weaker, less-than. We’re female. And that shouldn’t matter.

Keep your cows, amigos. If I run, I run with balls.

Muchas gracias.

Posted by vanessa on July 11th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 2 Comments »

Closed Due To Flooding?

toowet How wet is too wet? Yes, we’ve been having lots of flooding here in the UK this month, but my topic today is about a more personal kind of wetness.

I am about to confess a small personal issue. One that many women, menopausal and otherwise, might actually envy.

I get wet. Specifically, I have a very juicy punani. In fact, I might admit to getting a bit too wet.

Too wet, you say? How can anyone possibly be too wet?

Well, too wet means slippery. Really slippery. And slippery-ness reduces friction. Friction is necessary for my partner to…well…experience complete enjoyment. In fact, for the better part of 10 years or more, I’ve been ejaculated ON far more than IN. (So much so that at times I felt like I was stuck in an endless “money-shot” loop.) I didn’t really consider it a problem until I realized that if I ever wanted to get pregnant it might present some difficulty if I never got any semen planted in my hoo-hoo.

It’s not a size thing. I actually have a very tight pussy. Two-fingers tight. (No children and infrequent sex for years = tight). And as for the men - well, I mean, I haven’t ever fucked a zucchini (unlike a woman I watched on webcam once), but my partners have been more than adequate.

I can’t believe I’m the only woman out there with this particular biology. I’m not really sure what to do about it. Most women searching for help are looking for the opposite - something to increase their natural moisture.

So…seriously, what do I do?

Posted by vanessa on July 8th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 5 Comments »

This Day In England

Well, you can learn quite a bit about England from just one day’s news. Here are a few tidbits I have learned today about the little place I’ve been calling home for the past nine months…

  1. If a fire breaks out, tough. Suck it up, Nancy!
  2. We got us some pervs. actually, these guys give pervs a bad name
  3. We have a teeny drinking problem. d’oh!
  4. We’re all gonna die in a horrible flood. again, d’oh!
  5. We’re all gonna die in a massive suicide bombing. Did the knighthood committee really think that through?
  6. If #4 & 5 don’t happen, stay out of the hospital. Those places will kill you.
  7. The Druids need your vote.
  8. London is Better Than Moscow. (but only just)
  9. If the train doesn’t go where you’re going, they just make shit up.
  10. The BBC is biased. Just ask the BBC.

Posted by vanessa on June 18th, 2007 .
Filed under: Lists of Stuff, Stuff On My Mind | No Comments »

About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.