Archive for the 'Funny Stuff' Category

Mmm. Slurp These Noodles, Baby!

I can be a bit technologically bipolar. When I buy a new gadget, I need to have the absolute cutting edge. But when it comes to popular trends in software, I tend to dig in my heels.

I’ve only just downloaded my very first RSS feed reader, the 30-day trial version of FeedDemon from Newsgator. So far, so good. It’s allowed me to catch up on all the wonderful blogs I [say I] read, as well as find a few new ones, and keep up with the news without having to search it out and visit all the websites I hate.

So I’m reading the feed for Forbes (yes, Vanessa does read more than sex blogs) and I find this.

The Chinese chapter of the International Ramen Manufacturers’ Association could be banned for allegedly manipulating the retail price of 95% of instant noodles on the market in the country.

topramenWe’re talking about pot noodles, the staple of every college dormitory and probable source of 90% of all dietary sodium consumed worldwide.

When something costs $0.12/package, it’s hard to imagine any sort of price-fixing, and it made me giggle. But I think what made me almost wet my pants was the idea of an International Ramen Manufacturers’ Association.

I couldn’t help myself. I had to google the IRMA. Here is their charter:

The purpose of the Association shall be to seek improvement in the quality of instant ramen products, to secure their continued supply, and to contribute to a healthy and varied diet for the people all over the world.
At the same time, the Association shall seek to develop the instant ramen manufacturing industry, improve its social status and cultivate fellowship among its members.

I am not making this up.

At this year’s 5th Annual World Ramen Summit the theme was “Happy World with Ramen!” with presentations on such topics as “National Trends in Instant Noodles Demands.”

They have even developed a codex for “The First Year Of Global Standard Ramen.”

oodlesofnoodlesTo their credit, they do supply hundreds of thousands of units of ramen noodles to disaster victims worldwide. “for the victims who were suffered from disasters such as typhoon, earthquake and tsunami.”

Not quite sure where the victims get the hot water, though. I’ll have to think that through…

Posted by vanessa on August 12th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff | No Comments »

Haven’t We All Had Days Like This?

I don’t usually post things like this, but a certain friend-who-must-remain-nameless sent this to me and something about it just made me giggle for hours.

I hope it doesn’t offend anyone…oh, who am I kidding? I’m pretty sure you guys aren’t offended by much of anything.

image (4)

I’ve had bad hair days before, but…!

Posted by vanessa on June 30th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff | No Comments »

Sweet Home Alabama?

Here’s a case slipping through the…em…cracks.

Alabama Woman Takes Sex Toys Case To Supreme Court

WASHINGTON - The owner of adult stores in Alabama launched her final appeal Monday against a state ban on selling sex toys, asking the U.S. Supreme Court to throw out the law as an unconstitutional intrusion into the bedroom. -more-

Well, according to the statute, the products could be sold “if they have other recognized medical or therapeutic uses.”

So…  

Presenting the latest therapeutic devices direct from Babeland:

 

 

Pandora

The Pandora

Relieves discomfort due to itchy prostate or difficult boss.  Scratch that annoying itch with variable 7-speed motor.

flexi-felix

Flexi-Felix

Fast, gentle relief from constipation.  Recommend combined use with Sliquid Swirl Cherry Vanilla (see below) for maximum results.

sliquid

Sliquid Swirl Cherry Vanilla

All-purpose lubricant for any sticky situation.  Too many uses to list.  Try it for bikini-line chafing and preventing Jimmy Choo blisters.  In the yummy cherry vanilla flavor.  In case any should spill on your tongue.

 

serpent's tail

Serpent’s Tail

Electric Ear Cleaner uses ultra-sonic waves to gently and permanently remove ear wax.  No more annoying cotton swabs!

 

kitty clamps

Kitty Clamps

Stop those bras straps from peeking out under your shirt once and for all.  As an added bonus, the mild vibration eases tension from shoulder muscles.  Perfect for that stressful commute!

 

the pump

Pump and Cylinder Kit

Carpal-tunnel therapy at your fingertips.  Increase circulation to fingers and toes.  Can also be used to relieve sinus congestion, or in very severe cases, constipation if the Flexi-Felix fails to produce satisfactory results.

 

Sorted.  Next problem?

Posted by vanessa on May 18th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff, Random stuff | 1 Comment »

5 More Googles That Brought You Here

Pert

  1. What Makes Pussy Taste Good
  2. Pics Of Vannessa (sic) Being A Slut (Oi!)
  3. Wild Monkey Dildo
  4. Circumcised By Girlfriend (WTF!?)
  5. “man with two penises” -removed (o.m.f.g.) 8O

I love website stats.

Just remember, there’s always somebody watching.

Posted by vanessa on May 13th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff, Lists of Stuff | 1 Comment »

50 Years Of Mansize Strength

Speaking of tissues, here’s something we would never stock on shelves in the US…Kleenex For Men.

For Men50 years

Here we have a full square foot of 3-ply softness for that big blow.

I mean really! Tissues for men? How sexist! They need their own tissues? Why on earth could men possibly need special tiss…

Oh.

Posted by vanessa on May 6th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff, Random stuff | 3 Comments »

Sex While Sick = Interesting Results

languid

So I’m on Day 5 of a really annoying cold. It’s not one of those colds that gives me that sexy husky voice. It’s the kind that makes me sound like I’m wearing a snorkel. Finally, though, I’m just well enough to feel REALLY horny.

Anyway, hubby has been only marginally successful at fending off the same crud, so we’ve been leaving each other alone to rest and heal while secretly wanting to exchange germs from every orifice.

We finally admitted this to each other tonight and almost punted the cat up the stairs in our frantic scramble to the bedroom.

Problem: while I do feel quite a bit better, I still can’t breathe from my nose. Heaving one’s bosom and panting can be quite sexy, but my panting tonight seemed more like a death rattle. Fortunately, the husband did most of the heavy lifting for this particular play date. Even so, I think I might have dipped one pedicured toe into the murky waters of breath play.

Speaking of waters, I’ve been known to be an occasional squirter. Well, it’s more like a gush, actually. The thing is, it’s never happened while I’ve been WITH someone, only when I’ve been alone, or doing my phone sessions, so it’s become the stuff of urban legend. I don’t really know if it’s a temporary phenomenon because of The Cold, but let’s just say we’re currently looking into a set of rubber sheets. And we’re sleeping on the guest bed. And I now, finally, have a witness.

Posted by vanessa on April 29th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff, Sexy Stuff | 2 Comments »

Aww, c’mon, how could I not post this?

I think I went to the wrong Sunday School.

Priceless.

Posted by vanessa on April 1st, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff | No Comments »

About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

vanessa@talktovanessa.com

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.