Toy Review: The Eroscillator

Friends, lovers, playmates; in honor of May being Masturbation Month, I give you The Eroscillator.

**trumpet fanfare**

ooohhhhLet me start off by saying that it’s taken me six months to write this review. That’s not because I haven’t wanted to. It’s because I’ve been doing…um…extensive research. In the name of journalistic integrity, of course. In fact, the Eroscillator has been the most rigorously tested of any toy I’ve reviewed.

Dr. Ruth has never endorsed another sensual aid, but she is the Eroscillator celebrity endorse-person. That got my attention. I had to try it. So, the Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo was my Xmas prezzie.

Admittedly, when I saw this puppy my first thought was, dayyumm, that’s one expensive vibrator! Are the reviews true? Could it really be worth it?

Oh yes. Every freakin’ penny. Read on.

First of all, the Eroscillator is NOT a vibrator. A vibrator vibrates. A vibrator feels nice for a while, but eventually makes my clit numb. When my clit is numb, well, I’m done for the night. I might not want to be done but, Goodnight, Irene. I. Am. Finished.

Smart Oscillating Engine. The Eroscillator uses sophisticated Swiss engineering to oscillate back and forth inside the housing for powerful but gentle stimulation. It doesn’t vibrate. It doesn’t make my clit numb. That’s a big deal. Huge. Limitless-Orgasms-Huge. And, the head moves inside the housing, so the housing stays put. I’m stimulating my punani, not my hand.

Multiple Power Settings. One critical distinction is that the speeds don’t increase the frequency of the movement…they increase the intensity. That means every speed is enjoyable. I can’t say that about something like the Hitachi Magic Wand. (Actually, the HMW is just a half-step down from a belt sander. Not clit-friendly.) The Eroscillator’s three speeds are powered by a 14v motor (step-down converted so it’s safer for you) and 12-feet of cord. Yes, you read that right. 12 feet. It will reach to the chandeliers. Hell, I can plug this baby in and take it halfway to Marks & Spencer. What I’m trying to say is that the cord doesn’t get in the way when we’re gettin’ our freak on.

Whisper Quiet. Yeah, it really is. We were pleasantly surprised. No distracting lawnmower buzzing during the intimate moments. My apologies if you have a lawnmower fetish.

Watertight. Can be washed under running water so you’re ready to go for next time. I wouldn’t take it in the bath, though. (That’s why God created the WaterPik Shower MassageWaterpik Shower Massage.)

So, on to my experience. Right out of the box, I had one of the fastest, most intense orgasms of my life. It took about 90 seconds, tops. My lips (on my face) were literally quivering. This was a whole different level of orgasm. Like a higher plane of consciousness. Incredible. Then I just kept on going…er…coming. Actually, I didn’t know whether I was coming OR going. One after another after another. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to stop until I was spent. When it was over, I was but a whimper on a tangled heap of soaked sheets.

The next day, I threw my other vibrators out.

The Eroscillator comes in your choice of two versions and five packages. The Eroscillator 2 Plus packages come with some basic head attachments and a standard power appliance. The Top Deluxe model has extra power, for women like me who need a little boost, and more attachments. All attachments are available separately too. I was lucky enough to get the Ultimate Combo. Yep, I got the whole enchilada for my pink taco. Holy guacamole!!

My favorite attachment? The Ultra Soft Finger Tip (pictured below). It’s a medical grade silicone elastomer…just the right amount of squishiness to give a really lovely clit licking.

This is one toy that gets my unequivocal yes. Yes. GOD, YES!

Rating: ★★★★★+

If you own a clitoris, you simply must treat yourself. I can’t stress this enough. If your partner has one, surprise her and make her decade. You won’t regret it.

Oh, you can support this site by ordering it through my affiliate link below and Amazon will gimme some candy!

I’m hearing rumors about their companion product for men, the Ooh-la-la! Prostate Massager with the PowerPenis Bell. The Husband is interested in reviewing one, but I don’t know that the company is quite that generous.

I’m off to do some more…research. If you play your cards right, you’ll get a taste before Masturbation Month is over…stay tuned for a surprise or two.

And here’s to it always being May in your pants.

Posted by vanessa on May 9th, 2007 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff, Stuff I Wrote | 6 Comments »

The Amora Experience

London has a new adult playground. Amora, located in Piccadilly Circus, promotes itself as the “Academy of Love and Relationships.”

“Receive your personal ‘Whispers’ (an audio guide), your Amora friend, who will accompany you on an extraordinary journey through seven zones exploring your sexuality and relationships - from love and desire to sexual well-being.

Relax and enjoy a fascinating experience that will help you to enjoy a fabulous sex life, ultimately helping you to become a better lover and form fulfilling, happy relationships.”

amusement The experience includes zones such as the Sensorium, where you can explore aphrodisiacs, erotic food games, sexy stripping and sensual massage. You might enjoy exploring the Fetish Room…and there is even an Orgasm Tunnel, an “immersive experience into exactly what happens to our minds and bodies in the moments before, during and after an orgasm.”

Sounds like the Experience Music Project with fewer clothes. Definitely going on my to-do list ASAP.

Posted by vanessa on April 21st, 2007 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff, Random stuff | No Comments »

The Perverts’ Saloon

Suzanne Portnoy (I told you about her book, The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker) is hosting the 1st London Perverts’ Saloon Tea Party next weekend. Suzanne was kind enough to invite me and I’m looking forward to meeting my fellow sex bloggers and perverts-in-arms.

So far, though, everyone who has RSVP’d is female. Strange, I would have thought that men would be more inclined than women to show up to a sex-themed party, but I guess I have much to learn about the world of sex writers/entertainers/workers.

I had promised Suzanne I would read an excerpt from her book as part of a podcast but she is much less of a procrastinator than I am and has since recorded her own narration, available on Audible. She does a fine job. Of course, she’s no Vanessa (hehe) but she has her own style.

Of course I’m going to tell you all about the party when I return. Hmmm…I wonder what a bunch of oversexed women will do on a Sunday afternoon? I’m sure we’ll think of something…

Posted by vanessa on April 13th, 2007 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff, Random stuff | 1 Comment »

The Vibe Is Dead, Long Live The Vibe!!

The Explorer

We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of “The Xplorer,” a true and faithful friend. R.I.P. Sigh.

I’ve joked about it, but in 20 years I’ve never actually “worn out” an electric vibrator. I’ve replaced them because they were kinda funky old, but never because the inner workings were fried.

My man took it apart to see if there was any way it could be repaired. Not a chance. He was impressed, however, by it’s mechanical simplicity. Solid-state, clean lines, no moving parts…but…dead nonetheless.Resting In PiecesD.E.A.D.

Batteries stand no chance against my multi-orgasmic self, but since I’m in the UK for a while I’m having difficulty finding a “mains-powered” replacement. My Hitachi Magic Wand, which I affectionately call “Henry,” is a bit too intense for me. I also left it back in the US, and a UK replacement is prohibitively expensive. Well, let’s face it, everything is prohibitively expensive in the UK.

The Eroscillator 2 Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo is on my wish list…but, once again, it will cost literally half as much if I wait to get it once I return to the US. Yesterday, my electrical geek sweetie came up with an interesting alternative…an AC conversion for my iVibe Rabbit.

At first I was skeptical, and nervous, because I didn’t want to lose the only other appliance I brought with me. However, I was also going through 4 AA batteries per session, and I couldn’t afford to do that for much longer. Rechargables? Fuhgeddaboutit.

He used materials he had on hand, so it isn’t pretty, but it works. It actually works. Of course, it is no longer something I would take into the shower with me for safety’s sake, but because he sealed the connection with epoxy resin it is, technically, waterproof. The transformer/converter unit is temporary, because it is hideously large, but the cord is long enough that I can place it on the floor so it’s out of the way. The device is also much lighter without the weight of the batteries inside. Here is his photo of the beastie:
It's Aliiiiiiive!!!

Fortunately, this will only have to last me until we get back to the US - because it’s not like I can phone a friend in the states and have them ship me an Eroscillator. I could just imagine that conversation.

Hopefully, though, Doc Johnson or some other rabbit manufacturer will realize that there is a noticeable gap in the market for an electrical-powered rabbit vibrator. Soon. Please? Anyone? Buehler?

Posted by vanessa on October 16th, 2006 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff | 3 Comments »

Why Does She Do It?

I finally had the time to catch up on some blogs that I like to read, and this particular post by O about female sex bloggers is worth noting because it really made me stop and think about why I do what I do. Why I pour out my soul and sexual secrets to the world. Why I have random phone sex…and record it. Why I remain anonymous (except to a very short list of - I hope - trusted friends).

The anonymous part is easy. You already know me. I am the woman in line at the market, at the office party, in the minivan at the car wash. I am your sister, your daughter, your co-worker, your lover, your friend. If you knew it was me writing this, would you see me differently? Would my husband be judged if his boss or clients knew? Would my mother be publicly humiliated? Would my children (if I had them) be dis-invited from play dates and parties? I can take a risk individually, but I cannot extend the risk to the people I love. So, I hide behind the anonymity of cyberspace.

The why is more difficult to answer. More »

Posted by vanessa on August 26th, 2006 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 6 Comments »

Come For Good Causes!

I’m so pleased to see that the first International Masturbate-A-Thon will take place this Saturday, August 5, in London.  Proceeds to benefit Marie Stopes International and the Terrence Higgins Trust.  I didn’t get to attend the sixth annual festivities in San Francisco since it was so far away…but this is extremely tempting since I’m very close and don’t have plans on Saturday.  I’d love to do a live VanessaCast as I try to set a record…

Since I just found out about this I don’t have any sponsors…if anyone would like to sponsor me, please contact me ASAP.  You can sponsor me three ways; per minute of masturbation, per orgasm, or any amount just for having the courage to show up.  (WARNING:  For those of you who know my habits, the first two could be potentially expensive!)

"The record currently stands at eight hours and thirty minutes. If the winner of the English event goes beyond this time it will mean a new international record. If they do not then a first British Record shall be established."

Posted by vanessa on August 3rd, 2006 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff, Random stuff | No Comments »

New Podcast - VanessaCast5

This one is with Guy - a lovely man, and an excellent dom. Because of that, Guy does most of the talking, but he had me whipped into an absolute frenzy in no time at all. It was definitely the most intense sexual encounter, recorded or otherwise, that I have had in a very long time. Guy is demanding, but tender and warm when I am a good girl. And I was a very good girl.

At over 28 minutes, this episode is longer than previous podcasts, with a few lovely valleys between really intense crescendos. I hope the less patient of you will give it a chance and listen past the first couple of orgasms…they just kept getting more intense.

Bon Appetit!

icon for podpress  VanessaCast5 A little BDSM with Guy [28:26m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Posted by vanessa on June 17th, 2006 .
Filed under: Podcasts | 1 Comment »

More in journal

About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.