Book Review: Naked On The Internet

Now that I’m back online with a new computer and have *most* of my data recovered, the first order of business is the review I promised Audacia Ray for her book, Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration. Here it is, Dacia, and, considering my situation, only a week late!

imageI felt privileged to be one of the women interviewed by Audacia Ray for her first book, Naked on the Internet: Hookups, Downloads, and Cashing in on Internet Sexploration.

The first thing that struck me about Naked it what it’s not. It’s not pornographic. It’s not erotic. It’s not even titillating. It is a meticulously researched, deftly written examination of how women use the internet, specifically with regard to sex, and how the online experience has changed women’s views of themselves, both positively and negatively. Ray offers a sociological, almost anthropological, dissection of the way our behavior and attitudes have changed as a result of technology;

“Naked on the Internet is entirely consumed with the effects
of personal computers and the things women get up to when
they are alone with their machines, their Internet connections,
and their desires.”

More »

Posted by vanessa on June 28th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff I Wrote | No Comments »

All Day Love

goodmorning We made love all day yesterday.

My first waking moments; your gentle fingers stroking my shoulders, my cheeks, down my back, the curves of my hips, the swell of my ass. Your warm, moist breath on my neck.

Good Morning.

The day’s routine was punctuated with passing strokes, stolen snuggles, tender kisses. A grazed breast, lightly, surreptitiously, in the market. Even mundane chores were electric with promise. You grew firm just by gazing in my eyes. Not yet.

I couldn’t wait much past lunch. I called to you. Yearning. You came to me. Eager.

Deft fingers brought me to my first peak. You didn’t realize then what a feat that was - many have tried, few have succeeded. Kudos. And, thank you.

togetherWe merged, finally. Embracing tightly, as though it would be our last. Limbs intertwined. Undulating, together, on a sea of tangled sheets. Crescendo.

As always, you cleansed me after. Diligently. Reverently. Nobody else has ever done that. Too sexy for words.

Dinner and a Rom-Com in each other’s arms on the sofa. Giggles. Tears. Sweet whispers. Then to bed.

Holding, caressing. Soft kisses. Tender words. Supposed to be getting sleepy. Not quite.

Once more. You were harder, bigger; impressive, considering the intensity of our earlier exchange. I had more to release as well. Not often the case, that many in one day. No less intense the second time. Bliss.

cuddlesMy last waking moments; your gentle fingers stroking my shoulders, my cheeks, down my back, the curves of my hips, the swell of my ass. Your warm, moist breath on my neck.

Good night.

Posted by vanessa on May 20th, 2007 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff, Stuff I Wrote | 6 Comments »

Sex While Sick = Interesting Results


So I’m on Day 5 of a really annoying cold. It’s not one of those colds that gives me that sexy husky voice. It’s the kind that makes me sound like I’m wearing a snorkel. Finally, though, I’m just well enough to feel REALLY horny.

Anyway, hubby has been only marginally successful at fending off the same crud, so we’ve been leaving each other alone to rest and heal while secretly wanting to exchange germs from every orifice.

We finally admitted this to each other tonight and almost punted the cat up the stairs in our frantic scramble to the bedroom.

Problem: while I do feel quite a bit better, I still can’t breathe from my nose. Heaving one’s bosom and panting can be quite sexy, but my panting tonight seemed more like a death rattle. Fortunately, the husband did most of the heavy lifting for this particular play date. Even so, I think I might have dipped one pedicured toe into the murky waters of breath play.

Speaking of waters, I’ve been known to be an occasional squirter. Well, it’s more like a gush, actually. The thing is, it’s never happened while I’ve been WITH someone, only when I’ve been alone, or doing my phone sessions, so it’s become the stuff of urban legend. I don’t really know if it’s a temporary phenomenon because of The Cold, but let’s just say we’re currently looking into a set of rubber sheets. And we’re sleeping on the guest bed. And I now, finally, have a witness.

Posted by vanessa on April 29th, 2007 .
Filed under: Funny Stuff, Sexy Stuff | 2 Comments »

The Blind Leading The Deaf

So this was in the headlines today…

Blind auto mechanic hires deaf assistant - Yahoo! News

You’re wondering how I’m going to relate this to sex? Actually, it wasn’t difficult. This strikes me as a metaphor.

Communication GapImagine the blind mechanic is a woman. Her deaf assistant is her male partner. Both are completely capable of being sexual ‘masters of their domain.’ It’s when you put them together that things can get lost in translation.

The mechanic and the assistant in the news story communicate through an interpreter. While, admittedly, this would make the intricacies of sexual relationships much easier to navigate, most couples don’t have that luxury. How often do we really receive and comprehend the messages we’re getting from our partner?

I’ve been guilty of complacency when it comes to communicating my needs/desires/moods. I’ve also been guilty of failing to pay attention to the signals my partner is sending me. Sometimes, I was just too lazy to listen. It’s much easier to just go through the motions sometimes. To do the same things over and over because, well, it always worked before. Admit it. You’ve done it too.

What I love about this story is that these two people are fully aware of the challenges in their relationship, and are making a very deliberate effort to work around their limitations. To stretch their own boundaries, even. They’ve figured out how to communicate with one another, and their communication requires complete participation. They must devote their whole attention to their effort. It’s all or nothing.

What if we all tried that approach, just once? Just for an evening? An hour? A moment? To devote our entire attention to really listening to our partner. To be fully present, both giving and receiving, communicating and comprehending. Absorbing everything…not just verbal cues…everything.

How much better would our sexual experience be?

Posted by vanessa on March 20th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 2 Comments »

The Rum Raisin Compromise

com‧pro‧mise  /ˈkɒmprəˌmaɪz/
- a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.
- something intermediate between different things: The split-level is a compromise between a ranch house and a multistoried house.
- an endangering, esp. of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: a compromise of one’s integrity.
- to make a dishonorable or shameful concession: He is too honorable to compromise with his principles .

Everything in life is a compromise. So it is in love as well, and sometimes even in sex. The tricky part is knowing which compromises are healthy, and which are risky. Which compromises will strengthen the relationship, and which will, over time, erode its foundation. Some compromises come back to haunt you when it’s too late to change the outcome. A compromise can even change who you are. Now you’re thinking, “what the hell is she talking about?”

I’ll give you an example. More »

Posted by vanessa on September 20th, 2006 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 10 Comments »

The Conquistador

I love everything about a man. I love the way he smells, tastes, feels, sounds, loves. I love the way I feel wrapped in his arms. I love his confidence, and his childlike wonder. His machismo, and his reticence. His strength, and his tenderness. There’s really only one thing I don’t love about men. More »

Posted by vanessa on May 20th, 2006 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff, Random stuff, Stuff I Wrote | 4 Comments »

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About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.