Satisfaction

super973 - pc85

Yeah, I know I haven’t posted much lately. It’s not that anything is wrong; quite the opposite. Things are actually going quite well. And it’s always easier to write when things aren’t going well. Angst and ennui make for great creative stimuli. Satisfaction and contentment are creatively boring.

A half-lifetime of sexual discontent has evolved into something much different. I’m feeling sexually fulfilled. I have a wonderful partner, who ministers to my every need. Even if that need is a cup of drinking chocolate at 1am. With the little marshmallows, even.

I don’t feel sexually obligated. It’s no longer something I feel I have to do because, well, that’s what a dutiful wife has to do. I enjoy sex with my new partner. Well, newer.

And my ex-husband has finally confessed to having started dating. He even has a girlfriend. He’s moving on. I am so relieved and pleased. The guilt of leaving someone who didn’t want to be left is some of the worst guilt one can experience. But I can close that chapter now. Finally.

I apologize for not writing more frequently. But, frankly, I can’t think of anything to write about when I’m happy. And I’m happy.

Posted by vanessa on October 4th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 2 Comments »

Intimacy

A_Noyer_1708_a Real intimacy.

I had never experienced actual intimacy before now. The kind that makes you feel as though your souls are embracing.

OK, it sounds soppy and starry-eyed. But for someone with a history of boundary and trust issues, letting go to experience true intimacy is damn near earth-shattering.

True intimacy.

I had no idea what that was. Sure, I’ve had “intimate” relations with my share of men…but it’s always been sex. I’ve not made this admission publicly before, but I would always detach — having almost an out-of-body experience — during sex. Like what I imagine a prostitute or porn actress does. Even with a (former) husband of almost 2 decades.

Yeah, it was probably some kind of protective mechanism. If I’m not mentally/emotionally present, then I’m not letting anyone get close, right? It’s just sex. It might even be good sex. Hell, some of it was downright nasty, wild monkey-sex. But it’s still just sex. And it always left me feeling hollow. Unfulfilled.

Obviously it didn’t happen all at once. And I don’t think it could have happened with anyone else, ever. We just made this spiritual connection early in our relationship and took it to depths we never imagined possible. It required a commitment to absolute honesty, soul-baring confessions of past sins, tears, forgiveness, comfort, passion and a big heaping helping of love.

Our sex life has changed dramatically. It was always great. Now it’s transcendent. Truly amazing. Almost tantric. I’m always present. And it’s better than I could have ever imagined.

Posted by vanessa on August 23rd, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff I Wrote | 1 Comment »

The Sensual Vegan

Speaking of Vegan sexuality, Jane’s Guide just listed TheSensualVegan.com. Based in Seattle, they stock a decent array of vegan toys, condoms/dams, lubes, etc. (I can vouch for the pjur Eros line of lube, BTW).

The Sensual Vegan also donates 5% of all sales to Scarleteen, a sex-positive sex education resource site aimed at young people.

They aren’t paying me to mention them, and I think it’s worth a look-see!

Posted by vanessa on August 9th, 2007 .
Filed under: Sexy Stuff | 1 Comment »

Sugasm #91

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #92? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
The Pussy Hair Debate
“I’ve got a shaggy bush.”

Devoured
“Each bit of me that he touches arches toward him, demanding further contact.”

The Last Dance
“I start my journey down her body …”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sex in the Second City

Editor’s Choice
Feminist Carnival 42

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Birthday Bliss—His Turn
IM
In the company of strangers, part 2
The Meeting
Park adventure
The Party
Sweat
A Tale of Two Bloggers

Sex Work
Further Adventures in Tourism
Strip Club Fun, How I Got My Sore Throat Part 1
When A Client Dies-Part 3

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Half-Nekkid Voyeur
Old time nudes
Ra-Ra
Vinod Kambli’s Wife - Andrea - Hot Body

Sex Reviews
Lelo Lily Mini Vibrator Review

BDSM & Fetish
24/7
Boot Worship
Catalina loves Domination and Submission (D/S)
Featured Fetish - Smoking
Inspiration - Part II
Nipples
She’ll Be ‘Stocking’ You

Sex Poetry & Advice
Alternatives to Viagra
Favorite Part #1

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Feminism and Sex
I Left It at That
My evolving relationship with sex

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Posted by vanessa on August 7th, 2007 .
Filed under: Sugasm | Comments Off

Vegans Say Sex With Carnivores Stinks?

I wonder how much of New Zealand’s public money went into this study.

Vegans say sex with meat-eaters stinks

NEW YORK, Aug. 2 (UPI) — Strict vegetarians known as vegans find sex with meat-eaters repulsive, or as one New York vegan described it, “pungent” and “stinky.”
New Zealand researcher Annie Potts, of the University of Canterbury’s Center for Human-Animal Studies, interviewed 157 vegans, 120 of whom were female, on their sexual preferences.
In an interview with ABC News in New York, Potts said all of the female vegans “didn’t want to engage in intimate sex … because of the smells and tastes of their body fluids.” Full Story

6932594Well, dear readers, Mr. Vanessa enjoys a vegan diet, while Vanessa chooses to be an omnivore. Mr. Vanessa says he hates when vegans make comments like this…because it “ruins it for the rest of us” and makes all vegans look like elitist assholes.

And Mr. Vanessa has, to date, registered no complaints about the taste of Vanessa’s love honey.

This whole argument, however, makes one wonder whether vegans should be consuming any human bodily fluid in the first place…though you won’t hear me complaining.

Posted by vanessa on August 4th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 1 Comment »

Sugasm #90

I’ve noticed the Sugasm is getting longer each week. Nice to see more and more people submitting great stuff! ~ Vanessa ~

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #91? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Fat can be sexy
“I understand what it’s like to be surrounded by images that reinforce that skinny is the ONLY way to achieve sexiness.”

Are Women Visual Critters, Too?
“With the invention of the internet, however, I think that it gets even more complicated.”

Marriage, Monogamy, and All that Jazz
“My chosen lifestyle and relationship type wasn’t making any sense to the other women.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
S Magazine

Editor’s Choice
Supply and Demand

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Am I Missing Anything, Really?
Catalina loves the Museu de l’ Erotica
Cheating Men
“How much confession can one read before becoming uncomfortably numb?”
I’m a Woman Man: Episode 2 - Faces
Lulu Forever
Playground positions
So many rabbits…

BDSM & Fetish
Car Wheels on a Gravel Road
Dirty words
Fetish Film - English Punishment Series (Spanking, Caning)
The Flesh Remembers
Fun with a subby boy
Luring the Guardian Angel
The Percentage Game
Sukebe Otaku: Happy Tears, Revisited
Teeth and claws and cock and cunt
Thunder: Service With A Smile
The Violent Kiss
Wake up bitch…
Worshipping post-erior - leaving my mark
You suck!

Sex News & Reviews
Lelo Nea Mini Vibrator Review
Sex In The Virtual World - Computer Games

Sex Humor
How To Get His Attention

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Amy of 24.7 in the Kitchen
Drum Solo (video)
Half-Nekkid Exhibitionist
Ivett

Sex Work
Busy Princess Play Day

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Distracted by Her shoes
Endangered
I Want
No reservations, part 1
An old friend
Pink
Sleeping Beauty…
Supply and Demand
That Kiss
Torrential
We were in heat

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Posted by vanessa on August 1st, 2007 .
Filed under: Sugasm | Comments Off

Sugasm #89

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #90? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Burlesque
“She performs astounding acts and swirls her perfect ass in circles, like the tassles on her tits.”

Nylon Whispers
“I run my fingers along every bit of my nylon covered flesh”

No Timeless Beauty To Conform To
“While fashions themselves come and go, so do the standards of beauty rise and fall like the heaving breasts of an excited woman.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Welcome to the Redesign

Editor’s Choice
Catalina loves (sex in) Sevilla

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Half-Nekkid and Asking for It
I Feel Myself
Inspiration
Lindsay Lohan Naked Pictures On Internet?
Professional dress code
Time For Tits

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Another Ride
Dirty Lace
A gay lesson
Joining the Half-Mile-High Club San Francisco, part 9
Office Masturbation - part 4
Poker
Postage Stamp Sex
Private Show pt. 1
Rape Fantasies
Repressed
Romance
She Dancin’ with a G

Sex News
Find Your Love Match Among Hegre Art’s Models

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
BDSM Part II; etymolgy, history, psychology
Can you can can?
Commentators
Fuck Your Fucking Ethics
The Glory That Is Myra Breckinridge
I wish I’d known that…
Lip Service
Panties Tell You What I’m Wanting
“Thank You”
Things I Would Like to See in Porn
Tom made me think

Sex & Politics
No Payola

BDSM & Fetish
Featured Fetish - Urophilia (Pee, Piss, Watersports)
Happy HNT - Metal bondage fun and a naughty night with Shasta Gibson
Sick
Singing about spanking
Submissive List
Torrent

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Posted by vanessa on July 24th, 2007 .
Filed under: Sugasm | No Comments »

More in journal

About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

vanessa@talktovanessa.com

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.