super973 - pc85

Yeah, I know I haven’t posted much lately. It’s not that anything is wrong; quite the opposite. Things are actually going quite well. And it’s always easier to write when things aren’t going well. Angst and ennui make for great creative stimuli. Satisfaction and contentment are creatively boring.

A half-lifetime of sexual discontent has evolved into something much different. I’m feeling sexually fulfilled. I have a wonderful partner, who ministers to my every need. Even if that need is a cup of drinking chocolate at 1am. With the little marshmallows, even.

I don’t feel sexually obligated. It’s no longer something I feel I have to do because, well, that’s what a dutiful wife has to do. I enjoy sex with my new partner. Well, newer.

And my ex-husband has finally confessed to having started dating. He even has a girlfriend. He’s moving on. I am so relieved and pleased. The guilt of leaving someone who didn’t want to be left is some of the worst guilt one can experience. But I can close that chapter now. Finally.

I apologize for not writing more frequently. But, frankly, I can’t think of anything to write about when I’m happy. And I’m happy.

Posted by vanessa on October 4th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 2 Comments »


A_Noyer_1708_a Real intimacy.

I had never experienced actual intimacy before now. The kind that makes you feel as though your souls are embracing.

OK, it sounds soppy and starry-eyed. But for someone with a history of boundary and trust issues, letting go to experience true intimacy is damn near earth-shattering.

True intimacy.

I had no idea what that was. Sure, I’ve had “intimate” relations with my share of men…but it’s always been sex. I’ve not made this admission publicly before, but I would always detach — having almost an out-of-body experience — during sex. Like what I imagine a prostitute or porn actress does. Even with a (former) husband of almost 2 decades.

Yeah, it was probably some kind of protective mechanism. If I’m not mentally/emotionally present, then I’m not letting anyone get close, right? It’s just sex. It might even be good sex. Hell, some of it was downright nasty, wild monkey-sex. But it’s still just sex. And it always left me feeling hollow. Unfulfilled.

Obviously it didn’t happen all at once. And I don’t think it could have happened with anyone else, ever. We just made this spiritual connection early in our relationship and took it to depths we never imagined possible. It required a commitment to absolute honesty, soul-baring confessions of past sins, tears, forgiveness, comfort, passion and a big heaping helping of love.

Our sex life has changed dramatically. It was always great. Now it’s transcendent. Truly amazing. Almost tantric. I’m always present. And it’s better than I could have ever imagined.

Posted by vanessa on August 23rd, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff I Wrote | 1 Comment »

The Gray-Blues

s003-4I think I’ve figured it out. I’m slowly becoming an albino.

Every month I stand in the same spot (in front of a large mirror with great lighting) and tweeze out a few of these really strange hairs from my head. These unusual hairs have completely lost their pigmentation and contrast markedly with my natural, (waist-length) dark brown locks.

Each month, there seems to be an ever larger number of these pigment-free hairs. I can only assume that I am a late-blooming (Type-II?) albino. Any day now, I expect my eyes to lose their deep coffee color as well.

There can be no other explanation, as I am still on the fun side of forty, thus, it is incomprehensible that these unusual findings would have any relation to age. I am at my sexual peak. I am a sex blogger. I am ageless.

I will begin to do research into becoming albinistic.

I imagine I will need to stay out of the sun, as the natural melanin in my formerly tan-friendly skin will diminish, and I shall become much more likely to burn.

I will most likely need to wear sunglasses, as I shall become photophobic.

I may join a support group, say the Albinism Fellowship (UK and Ireland) or NOAH (in the US).

I shall listen to Johnny and/or Edgar Winter in a show of solidarity.

This should be a fascinating case. I may even make it into JAMA.

I promise to keep you posted with any new developments as they unfold.

Posted by vanessa on August 15th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff I Wrote | 1 Comment »

Rubbing ‘Em The Right Way

I think I can infuse sexual innuendo into just about anything.

But there’s one thing I take seriously enough to keep sex out of it for all the right reasons.

I gave my first massage in a very long time and it felt good to give someone relief that wasn’t sexual. I’ve missed my practice and my clients. It was a relief to be able to remember my training - some of the best, most intensive (and expensive) training in the country. It all came flooding back. I do know what the hell I’m talking about, and I AM good at what I do.

Strangely enough, massage therapy doesn’t appear to be regulated in any way in the UK. So, any idjit with a “plinth” (that’s massage table for the rest of us) can hang a shingle and start in on people. And possibly hurt them very badly. That scares me, because I KNOW what harm they can do without proper training.

I have a table. And some of the best training available. Just not sure if I’m ready yet.

Posted by vanessa on July 31st, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 1 Comment »

Fall’s Sexy Must-Have Accessory

Yes, it’s on the arm of every A-list celebrity, the newest, hottest, gotta-have-one piece of arm candy ever.

What is it?


An Englishman.


Note the way an Englishman complements any wardrobe choice. He’s polite and well-mannered. Clean, well-groomed and unobtrusive. And he doesn’t ever make your ass look fat.

The Englishman is becoming the hottest thing to hit the red carpet this season, and due to all the publicity around Posh and Becks, it’s only gonna get hotter. Don’t wait - get yours before they’re all gone!

I got mine already.

He’s very sexy.

Funny, with a very quick wit.



And all mine, girls, so back off!

Yep, all mine.

Posted by vanessa on July 13th, 2007 .
Filed under: Random stuff | No Comments »

Gender Equity? Sounds Like A Lot Of Bull

As I write this, thousands of Spaniards are smack in the middle of the encierro, the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona.

Apparently some women there are clamoring for their own encierro, but with cows, instead of bulls.

Women demand female Pamplona bull run, with cows

MADRID (Reuters) - Women in the northern Spanish city of Pamplona, world-famous for its ferocious bull-running festival, are demanding their own version complete with cows instead of bulls. Read more…

Now, I won’t even get into what a completely pathetic, stupid and cruel idea the original event is. That’s a whole other discussion. What strikes me here is the idea of wanting equal time that isn’t really equal. Cows are not bulls. Any rancher will tell you that. Cows are lovely, gentle creatures lacking two critical pairs of features: balls and horns. Sure, you run the risk of getting trampled by a herd of cows, but you could get trampled by a herd of anything scared and moving quickly down a narrow alley. Turkeys, even. But cows and turkeys won’t gore your sorry ass. (Or your “upper thigh.”)

But the request made me think of a larger issue: When it comes to gender equity, I believe we should demand it, and settle for nothing less. But cows are not gender equity.


I don’t believe in setting the bar lower simply because we’re the fairer sex. Equal means equal. I don’t need special considerations. Don’t make allowances for me. If I choose to compete, it will be on a level playing field.

This year was the first year that the female singles winner at Wimbledon was awarded a cash prize equal to the male singles winner. The first year. It’s freaking 2007, and this was the first year the pay was equal?

Very soon we will have the strongest opportunity we’ve ever had to decide whether we want a woman to lead our country. I’ve maintained for years that we will see all colors and creeds of men in the white house before the people will choose a woman. And that’s in a country with a female majority. I’m just pessimistic that way. I hope I’m proven wrong - though I’m not saying I wish it were with Hilary - I’m not yet convinced that she’s necessarily the best choice. I just don’t believe I’ll see a woman president in my lifetime and I don’t know how to change that except insist that we stop asking for special consideration. We don’t need it. We’re not inferior, weaker, less-than. We’re female. And that shouldn’t matter.

Keep your cows, amigos. If I run, I run with balls.

Muchas gracias.

Posted by vanessa on July 11th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff On My Mind | 2 Comments »

Ah, Men!

ah, men! I guess Father’s Day is an appropriate time to talk about men. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately and I’ve reached a definite conclusion.

I love men. I mean, I really love men. I can’t get enough of them.

Sure, I’d love to have my chance with a woman, but there is absolutely zero chance of me being a lesbian. Men simply turn me on too much.

I love a powerful man. Strong. Tall. Confident. I love knowing he can overpower me…if I want him to.

I love men in wool, silk, cashmere, denim or leather. Double-breasted or single-malt. Burberry Brit or Acqua di Gio.

When I see a particularly nice specimen my stomach gets all flippety. I can’t help but get a little flirty. Is that wrong?

A charming man can disarm me. Especially if he has a sharp wit. I’m helpless. Seriously. It’s pathetic. And if he has a dog, oh, goodness gracious me! I’m only writing about it and I’m all verklempt!

A great smile can make me tingle. And eyes - oh, it’s all about the eyes. There’s a certain quality - a combination of humor, sensitivity, confidence, mystery and lust - that can make me wet with a single glance.

Next time you see me smiling at you in Sainsbury’s, just know that you’ve made my day a little more…sexy.

Ah, men. I’m all yours.

Posted by vanessa on June 17th, 2007 .
Filed under: Stuff I Wrote | 3 Comments »

More in journal

About Vanessa...

Vanessa is a genus of butterflies. Common names are American Lady (Vanessa virginiensis), West Coast Lady (Vanessa annabella) and Painted Lady (Vanessa cardui).

I'm Vanessa. I'm always a Lady. Talk to me....

...and then YOU said...

  • Curvaceous Dee: Being happy is a hell of a lot more important than writing to keep us happy. I am so pleased for you!...
  • Pog: Hey Vanessa, Your husband is a very lucky man indeed. Take care, Pog.
  • havingmycake: Very worrying time for you both. Hope there is a good outcome.
  • Curvaceous Dee: *applauds* Oh, I am so pleased! It’s such a rare and special thing, and you well deserve it....
  • lapis ruber: That sounds a really nasty event. Glad you weren’t more seriously injured. Happy belated HNT.